This past week has probably been one of the most devastating of my life. It all started on Sunday when I noticed a streak of blood, I was hoping maybe it was nothing until my OB’s exchange told me I needed to go straight to the ER. Kyle wasn’t home, he was in a board meeting, with panic in my voice and tears being shed, I told him we had to go to the hospital. Poor Kenedee just kept asking what was wrong with me and saying she was worried about me, It was at that point I realized I probably needed to calm down a little, bless her heart. Thankfully, one of our students was able to be with her while we went to the ER.
They did an ultrasound and found that the baby’s heart rate was only 80 bpm, and not very strong; the baby was also measuring at 9 weeks, which is about 2 weeks behind what it should have been. The OB resident just came out and said, “I’m not going to beat around the bush, you have what is called a threatened miscarriage.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, with tears rolling down my face I asked if she could explain a little more. She basically said this probably wouldn’t be a viable pregnancy and that I would miscarry. She kept reminding me over and over that it was nothing I had done, that these things just happen. We were instructed to follow up with my OB the next day.
So, Monday comes and we go and see the nurse practitioner, I told her everything they said in the ER, and she had pretty much agreed that I would most likely miscarry, I was devastated. She basically left the room giving Kyle and I time to discuss how we wanted to handle things; if I wanted to pass the baby on my own, be given a medication to help (which was completely not an option; considering we didn’t know what the heart rate was at this point, because they hadn’t done another ultrasound); or to have a D&C. I didn’t even know what to say, when she came back into the room, however she had a plan. She said that when she did my pelvic exam, my cervix was still closed, there wasn’t any fetal tissue, and only a streak of blood, and I hadn’t been spotting. So, she said to go home and be on bedrest for the evening and return the following day for another ultrasound and some repeat labs. She had also called me when I got home and wanted to start me on Progesterone which is a hormone to help with the pregnancy. So, this gave us a glimpse of hope. It was still hard not knowing what was going to happen.
So, Tuesday came, we went in for labs and ultrasound. With Kyle by my side, the tech started performing the ultrasound, what seemed to be forever without one word, she finally spoke the words I dreaded hearing; “Just so you know, I don’t see a heartbeat, I’m sorry.” Not quite the answer we were hoping for. So, the nurse practitioner came in an spoke with us and said our best option would be a D&C, which I ended up having Wednesday morning.
Physically, I am doing well, just some mild cramping. Emotionally, it’s rough. There have been many tears shed, I am continuing to find my strength in the Lord. I don’t blame him for why this happened. I have faith that Kyle and I will be able to conceive again and have a healthy pregnancy, unfortunately these things just happen. I definitely didn’t think it would happen to me at 11 weeks, but it did. We have been so blessed with such loving and supporting friends and family through all of this and I am so thankful for that. We are hanging on.
This is the verse I’ve been hanging on to: “Find rest o my soul; in God alone. My hope comes from him.” – Psalm 62:5